Snapshot scans aren't enough. HTTP/HTTPS + DNS + TCP + Playwright synthetic (behind-login flows) — from 5 regions (NL/DE/IST/US/SG) in parallel. Cross-region quorum (≥N/2 regions down → incident opens) cuts false alerts. 6 alert channels. When the incident closes, Claude writes the post-mortem automatically. Public status page + embed SVG badge.
Pingdom + UptimeRobot + StatusPage + Datadog Synthetic + Mozilla Observatory + SSL Labs — one bill.
To suppress false alerts, an incident only opens once ≥N/2 regions are down. On open, 6 channels fire in parallel; up to 5 on-call escalation tiers; on close, a Claude AI post-mortem (200-word Markdown) is generated.
Public status page (slug globally UNIQUE) + Shields.io-style embed SVG badge + 30-day uptime % + multi-region badges. White-label v1.0: subpath + accent_color + logo_url.
No monitor on Free; Pro 3 regions, Agency 5 regions. Synthetic monitor costs 2× credits.